My failed attempt at talking to my kids about Sandy Hook…

I’ve read all of the blogs on how to talk to your kids about what happened in CT.
I’ve tried to use some suggestions like… “Try to reassure safety. Say “the school and your teachers are doing everything to keep you safe.”
Well. First of all my kids are homescooled. Like the way I spelled that? I know. It’s Homeskooled.
Moving on…
Every time I have tried to talk to them about guns and safety and what to do if they were ever in a situation like that they didn’t care.
All they wanted to talk about, every time, was why.
Why did the man do that?
Was he crazy?
Was he sad?
Was he mad?

“You know what? Yea. All of that.” I said.
I mean can we just pause and bow to my parenting skills. My parenting savvy…
I seriously thought to myself, “You are useless if that is all they get.”
“You know what kids? His brain was sick. His brain was very sick and he didn’t get the help he needed”
“You mean like you daddy? Like you take your medicine for your heart?” the eldest pointed out.
I know what she meant.
I don’t hide my Paxil from my kids.
They help me find it when I lose the bottle.
They know that I will not get out of bed till noon on days the world seems really dark.
They know my hands shake terribly when my heart starts racing for no reason.
But they see it as a sadness issue.
Which is why she used “heart”.
So beautiful.

They know that mental health problems are real.
They see their dad struggle.

“You know what baby? Yea. Daddy exercises, mommy feeds me healthy food, I go talk to my counselor, and I have people praying for me. All of that helps my sick heart. And some people have REALLY sick hearts. That man, that sick man, his heart was a lot worse. And the most important thing, it is that people know about your sick heart so they can help.”

“I wish he had your medicine daddy. Then maybe…”
“Yea. I know baby.”

I appreciate the lists that help us talk to our kids.
I appreciate the blogs on what not to tell our kids.

But the truth is, your kids are your kids.
You know the best way to approach them with news of evil.
Even if it’s tripping your way to their understanding of this broken world we live in.

So I may not have had all the Wall Street Journal psychologists points down on how to have this talk…
But revealing my brokenness helped them understand the worlds brokenness.
Los

http://twitter.com/adaminspired Adam Mason

Boom shakalaka.
Guest

When my husband and I talked to our 7 YO daughter Jadyn about what happened, we were not only trying to reassure her, but to equip her on what to do in case it happened here. (Because let’s face it, it could be anywhere.)

We told her that the best thing she could do is to follow her teachers instructions, or just lay down and play dead. She said, and I quote, “I’ll just kick him in the nuts.”

We didn’t know if we should be proud or mortified. I think it’s an even split.

Alia Osburn

LOL!!!
http://www.jmlalonde.com Joe Lalonde

I’d say be proud.

http://vagabondrun.com/ Kyle Reese

It’s huge that you are so open regarding your “sickness”. It is one of the things I learned the hard way — that I need to be open about my struggles. I’ve learned that keeping your struggles a secret lead to destruction of the worst kind. I also see a counselor bi-weekly, and talk openly about my depression, worry, and lustful heart. It helps me find God through people and reach a point of overcoming depression, and not worrying, and having a pure heart.

I love your honesty and heart, Carlos. Thanks for always offering it so openly.
Guest

When my husband and I were talking to our 7 YO daughter Jadyn about what happened we wanted to not just reassure her and help her feel safe. We wanted to help her know what to do if it should happen here. (Because let’s face it, it could happen anywhere.)

We told her to listen to the instructions of her teachers. We told her to hide. We told her to lay on the floor and play dead, being still as a statue.

She said, and I quote, “I’ll just kick him in the nuts!”

We didn’t know if we should be proud or mortified. I think it’s an even split.
http://twitter.com/PiratePastor Virgil Richardson

Looking for the blog about your failed attempt.

Because this blog is about doing it well. Really, really well.
Great job.
Laura B.

I think you got your point across well. Way to go, Los.
Marie

I’m choking back tears because I don’t think bawling at my work desk would be productive right now. Since Thanksgiving I have felt less and less like myself, and today as I realized that I am dreading things I would once enjoy, I think it’s time to say that this is probably another depressive episode. I think saying my heart is hurt is a pretty apt description.

Erica Guthaus

Praying for you right now in the name of the mighty One who walks with you even in the dark of the valley, Marie!
http://www.beckycastlemiller.com/ Becky Castle Miller

Good on you for recognizing it, Marie!
ragamuffinsoul

Praying for you!

http://www.facebook.com/karagene Kara Miller

I love this! I love your openness with your kids and the world about your struggles. I’m tired of the church’s shame over mental health issues. I have friends that have struggled and the shame makes it that much worse. I struggle too and refuse to pretend that I don’t. I’m a youth pastor and feel the best way to help my kids through anxiety and depression is to let them know I deal with it too… the key being DEAL! I don’t ignore it.

As for how you explained this tragedy to your kids? BRILLIANT!
Alia Osburn

absolutley beautiful because it’s real <3
Shannon Price

Beautiful. Just. Beautiful.
http://twitter.com/jeremyhazelton Jeremy Hazelton

When I tried to speak to my 6 yr old daughter last night, she didn’t understand at all… she wasn’t scared or sad, the events just wouldn’t fit inside her head. It sort of makes me hope that many of the kids who died didn’t know what was happening and that it was over quickly… and it ruins me to think about the innocence that will be lost for the kids left behind, and of my own daughter as she grows. God help us.
http://twitter.com/kendoanything ken dorsey

This was phenomenal. No kids, but the transparency that allowed them to understand is something to be noted.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Lori-Stilger/1043090499 Lori Stilger

Wow. I agree – you handled this magnificently. And God allows us brokenness, IMO, for times like this talk. Thank you for sharing.
http://twitter.com/poeticjason Jason Cormier

Beautiful…..
http://www.beckycastlemiller.com/ Becky Castle Miller

This is awesome. Good jorb. My kids are younger than yours (6, 4, and 1), and I haven’t figured out how to talk with them about my depression. I’m better now, and the worst of it was when they were 4 and 2, but I want to be open with them about it in a way that makes sense to them. “Heartsick” and “sad” are good words.

Thankfully I haven’t had to talk to them about Sandy Hook, because though we’re American, we live in Europe now, and so they aren’t hearing about it.
http://www.facebook.com/prissygraceann Stephanie Jones

This was beautiful. It’s not a failed attempt at all. As a child of a clinically depressed father, and as a mental health caseworker of many, I know more than ever that honesty needs to happen and must happen, even when we don’t understand it all ourselves. Honesty and authenticity are the only means in which the issue of mental health can be dealt with as it should.

Thank you for also allowing your children to see that mental health is something that can be controlled versus something that should automatically be feared; I wish I would have known that growing up.
BriAnne

You did the best thing ever for your kids..you were honest..I work with foster children and th horrors they face.. The best thing you can do for any child its be honest.. Great parenting Los..
todd van voorst

agreed.

our kids need to see that their parents need Jesus.

that will mean confession, repentance, and confidence in Christ alone to save us.

our kids need to see us needing Jesus.

http://onceforalldelivered.blogspot.com/
http://www.facebook.com/vaughan.granier Vaughan Granier

You rock.

Carlos Whittaker

My failed attempt at talking to my kids about Sandy Hook…

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