The wife’s outta town! Do I read my Bible first or look at PORN first? // 7 Keys To Purity When The Spouse Is Away

My wife just left with my kids in a car to drive 25 hours to Wyoming.
She literally decided she was going to do this 2 days ago.
She does this all the time.
Something is wrong with her.
But that is for another day.

I would have loved to go but with the short notice I could not rearrange all the work I have so here I sit, a bachelor in Nashville.
I could if I wanted to, right now in my empty condo, set my browser to private viewing and check out some paid actors and actresses having sex while a director is directing them yet wanting me to believe it is somehow a home movie.
I could also go buy a 6 pack tonight and drink more than I know my wife would want me to.
Why?
Cause I’m a sinner and a man.
It’s a lethal combination.
Pretty close to a sinner and a woman.
Just a shade of grey less.
Yes I just said that.
Sorry Jon

So I have to be intentional with my focus and pursuit of holiness so that when temptation arises, I can kick it in the face then break it’s neck like Jason Bourne would.

Here are 7 things I do when the family leaves me alone with the cat.

1. Stay in the Word of God
To put it simply…The word of God for me is like turning the Holy Spirit’s Garth Brooks mic up to 10 with a little feedback as well.
The more time I spend in God’s word the louder the Holy spirit gets when temptation arises.
And for me I can’t just read the Bible like a book.
I didn’t get a 790 on my SAT for no reason.
I need help.
So I use Bible studies and podcasts. Beth Moore, Pete Wilson and Matt Chandler pretty much are the ones leading me through the Word of God on a daily basis…

2. Adopt a family
My Nashville adoptive family are The Bergstrums.
I am they and they are I.
So like tonight…
Instead of hanging out with Riggins the cat in my condo, I’ll watch the Olympics with a family as crazy as mine.

3. Stay in the Word of God.
Oh. Did I say that already?

4. Have a plan of connectivity with your spouse.
Heather and I are horrible on the phone.
Like we suck.
We fight, we don’t pay attention and have conversations with other people while on the phone with each other.
So…
We text. Truths.
One of the things I began doing a few months ago is texting Heather a TRUTH a day as to what God is teaching me.
It helps her know a few things.
a. I’m in the Word.
b. I want to invite her into my intimacy with God.
Oh. And it makes her want me.

5. Stay in the Word.

6. Let your community know you are a bachelor and you will end up with more invites to poker nights and bad action movies than you can handle.
Already my evenings are filling up from one simple tweet about my bachelor life.

7. Read the Bible.
See how I did that?
Snuck that in right past you.
No seriously…
Psalms 119:11 wasn’t like a theory or an idea or something.
It is truth.
I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.
Psalm 119:11

So this list isn’t exhaustive.
It also isn’t magic.
But as my dad used to say…
“If you fail to plan, then, well, your lazy. Stop being lazy kid.”

Thoughts?
What are some hedges you place around yourself to keep your eyes gazing at God while you glance at temptations around you?
Los

Danny Bias

Thanks for this!!!

I just like you struggle when the wife is away and if I don’t have a plan in place I’m in trouble!

Love the truth a day text, I’m gonna start that.

Your blog is like the 2×4 I need to the back of the head sometimes!!!

Thanks Los…

http://www.ragamuffinsoul.com loswhit

Yea man.

http://bohemianbowmans.com Jessica

You need to invest in a like button. Like, yesterday.

http://www.ragamuffinsoul.com loswhit

See. I’m gonna do that for you. Soon.

Kevin

Thanks for the post, Los. This is something I’ve struggled with for many years. I am only now beginning to understand that we all have a hole and we all try to fill our hole with something. When we try to fill ourselves with something other than God, like porn, it is because we don’t understand that what we REALLY crave is the kind of filling that only God can give us. If we are continually tempted to fill our hole with other things, it is an indication that we still haven’t connected with the Holy Spirit and found the fulfillment in Him that He wants to give. 1 Corinthians 13 says that love always hopes and always perserveres. God is love and hasn’t lost hope and always perserveres. May we all keep hoping and perservering and when we’re tempted to fill our hole with something other than God, let’s listen to that still small voice and know that it is God saying “Come to me. Let me fill you and give you freedom!”
http://kylereed.info Kyle Reed

I want royalties for using my likeness
http://Marshallheppner.com Marshall

Just a thought regarding the name you called yourself.

“I am a sinner”

False.

You were a sinner. You are no longer. God calls you redeemed, a saint and blameless.

Do you and I still sin. Yes. But we are no longer slaves to our old nature because of the blood of Christ that bring redemption and grace.

Have fun doing dude things bro.

http://www.ragamuffinsoul.com loswhit

I’m still a sinner.
Saved by grace yes!
But a sinner none the less.
That is for another post though.
Thanks!

http://marshallheppner.com Marshall Heppner

Yah, I’m personally walking through this journey of identity and the whole claiming names thing is whats fresh and current in my times with God. (also fresh in with POTSC as well)

However, If what you say is true that we are all still sinners then what do we make of the “Be Holy” statements that Christ and Paul call us to? Simple warm and fuzzy unattainable sentiments? I would go so far to challenge and say they are reachable attributes of a daily christian journey.

Interesting thought here to, when Christ was baptized and the dove (aka HS) ascended and landed on him. Every step Christ took, being fully man who was vulnerable to sin, was in consideration of the dove… (who in its very nature is a skidish bird) Isn’t that the ideal picture of this?

Again, I’m thinking outloud and walking through this journey right now.

Phronsie

Paul called himself a sinner. 1 Timothy 1:15

We’re still sinners. We still mess up. We’re told to “be holy” as in “set apart” for God. Not perfect. I’m working on writing up a blog post about that myself.

The closer you walk with God, the less you want to sin because you “feel His pain” when you mess up. At least that’s kind of how my husband explained it to me. You’re never perfect, not in this life.

http://www.johnrwallace.com John Wallace

Great post with some great truths. When our other halfs are gone, it is sometimes like half our shields go with them. So we need to double up on our defenses to make do. And it makes us stronger because of it.

Thanks Los!
James

So… should single men do this daily?
Kidding. Kinda.
Josh

Thanks for the post Los. My wife literally just drove off out of town for four days with the kid and the same thoughts that you had were dancin in my head too. Thanks for the reminder about livin in the Word!
Sam

Los – love, LOVE how you keep it real and fresh. How many of your brothers out here have stared that one in the face, in all it’s iterations: leaving town ourselves on a business trip, wife is doing shift work, etc …

All great tips, but others I’d add:

- have a game plan (Computer/TV off by X o’clock)
- share your game plan with someone who gives a rip
- arrange check ins with/from the guy who gives a rip
- lather, rinse, repeat

Plenty of other tips but let me finish with a shout out to every other brother out there who’s felt the heat and not given up. Our families are counting on us, and they’re worth it.
Sweet Nana

LOL! This funny bad!!!! and great as heaven…….. good going
http://www.twitter.com/thedrew Drew

los,
if she takes that route, she’ll go right through my town!!! Grand Island, nebraska.

(after i typed that out… it sounded way creepy. sorry)

Nick

I was raised on Grand island!
…
…
…
…New York…

http://www.mustardseedyear.com Jason

Hey dude…since I’m completely totally single you can call me any time you feel tempted by anything and we can chit chat about something. Day or night. I have no life.
http://www.churchismessy.com Rick

Love it.
Jodyfduncan

The timing of this post couldn’t have been better. I just walked into an empty house. If it wasn’t for God, my Covenant Eyes partner and this post, I would’ve been toast. Yeah, I said it! What? Anyways, time to go read some word of God.
Brad Brittain

Solid words man. Mas accountability fer sher.
http://bradbeckey.com Brad Beckey

Great stuff ‘Los. Especially love the TRUTH a day…gonna steal that one bro.
http://alastairvance.com Alastair

Great post. My wife and kids have just left for London for 3 whole weeks. Stay in the Word, right?
http://Www.stephenclayton.tumblr.com Stephen Stonestreet

Add one more.

- turn your sexual energy into creative energy.
http://matrixlajon.wordpress.com/ Matrix Lajon

Great tips. I do some of the same kind of stuff. I also never allow myself to be alone with any female other than my wife period. If I have to talk with a female without my wife around I make sure SOMEONE is around. Some other safety net stuff is just the common sense stuff.
Phronsie

I’m a girl but I’ll weigh in on the question because I’ve been there.

Currently: kids. If it’s something I don’t want them looking at, I won’t either. My husband works nights so there’s been plenty of opportunity.

I don’t struggle with it anymore but for a while I did. It used to be, if I was the only one home, I’d leave the computer off and go read a book or something, usually. Or clean something. Or just go to bed. If I chose to clean though I’d crank up some worship music or TFK and sing in the process.
DevientGenie

SOWHAT 3:9–Just because we can ask a question, dosent mean it is a valid question to ask, or one that deserves much consideration. Examples: How much does depression weigh? Why are we here? What color is anxiety? Are anxiety and fear the same color? Why did god create this world? What does a comma taste like, or a question mark. Does a question mark and an exclamation point sound the same and smell the same as well? Is depression a color and other emotions colorless, yet measured in weight? What does gravity sound or taste like? How wide and tall is happiness? Is greed more colorful or heavier than cynicism or is humor the brightest and heaviest? What does pessimism smell like? I cant prove the color of anxiety, the brightness or weight of humor or cynicism. The smell of gravity or taste of a car horns honk. Just because I cant prove those things DOES NOT mean a car horn sound taste like something. DOESNT MEAN that gravity has a smell or that god is the reason FOR ALL LIFE or that we even need a reason or purpose for life. We create purpose becasue we have a life. If you donated food to your church for the poor, would you stop giving food to the poor if you stopped beliving in zeus, horus, mithra, krishna, or any god? Just because we cannot prove the color of anxiety or another emotion for that matter, or define any purpose for the existance of everything, and we cannot prove how much depression weighs, Not having all the answers, does not automatically mean a huge leap to this even more complex answer, a creator or intellignet designer we call god. Defining the reason for eveything is not possible without all the answers. However, Not having all the puzzle pieces does not mean we cant see what the puzzle is going to look like once we get enough pieces in place. The puzzle pieces that are currently in place show extremely gradual evolution over time, slowly and elegently over 4 billion yrs. Just becasue an all loving creator sounds so wonderful and you couldnt imagine a world that didnt offer everlasting life, just becasue you “feel it” and its plausible TO YOU , doesnt make it true. Sciences discoveries as of 2012, in regards to the origins of all life, have in fact exposed the ridiculous beliefs about lifes origins that are offered in holy books. Period.
GaryMoore

As you named off a few places to stay rooted.. Los, you are the one that helps me “keep it real”. I cannot beleive how many times now your words have hit me directly at what I’m stuggling or thinking about. Thank you….

I too have been thinking a lot lately about how our Mega-Church mindedness at times we start to become one with the mindset of forgiveness of intentional sin. Using our God Grace Visa… I easily find myself in the midst of my own thoughts and thoughts of my fellow followers that use the grace and forgivness of Christ to continue to sin because, well its covered. One wise pastor made an anaolgy that has stuck with me. Grace is like car Insurance… Should be used when you mess up or have an accident; Sin should be an accident. Anyone who goes out driving their car to have an accident is a danger to themselves and everyone around them. Read Colossians 3: 1-17
http://shellycoulter.blogspot.com Shelly Coulter

Way to bring up the hard topics that so many people ignore! That’s awesome. My hubby wrote about porn last year and I loved him for it…for being honest and not ignoring something that most men struggle with. His pursuit for purity in mind and his desire to save his mind for me is totally HOT!

you can read his post here. http://www.mattrcoulter.com/2011/02/honest-conversation-about-porn.html
Elaine Argento

WISE GUY!
Pingback: How I survived without my wife for a week | How I Wrecked My Life
Pingback: How I survived without my wife for a week | How I Wrecked My Life
http://todaysmama.com Erica

Just read you for the first time from a link my old church in SLC posted on FB. First, I commend you. Second, I recommend the free filter available from X3 Watch (http://bit.ly/euMBVY). Third, is your wife’s family in Cody? Looking at your map made me laugh b/c I live in KY and my parents live in Cody…pretty similar distance, but I’m not patient enough to drive it!
http://your-dailyword.blogspot.com Mikes

This is the post I’m looking for.I’ve been away from my friends and family for almost a month now for a training here in the US. I’ve been constantly tempted but this time I realized what I’m missing:a PLAN! Thanks for being a blessing Pastor.

Carlos Whittaker

The wife’s outta town! Do I read my Bible first or look at PORN first? // 7 Keys To Purity When The Spouse Is Away

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