I Wonder If God Is Angry I Cussed Him Out Last Night…What Do You Wonder?

I wonder.
I wonder if I’ll always subtract a year from my real age.
I wonder if I’ll always critique the worship leader and not just be led in worship.
I wonder if I’ll always wear a hat when I haven’t had time to shave my head because I hate my male pattern baldness.
I wonder if I will ever fall back into patterns of bulimia because I don’t have the discipline to treat my body as a temple.
I wonder if I’ll fight posting another self portrait on instagram that is truly a sign of my insecurities masked in some hashtag about my shirt.
I wonder if I’ll ever believe in God as strongly as I did 4 months ago.
I wonder if God is angry I cussed Him out last night even though I know He’s not.
I wonder if my perfect little girls will struggle with needing to give their bodies away in order to feel acceptance like I did in my teens.
I wonder if next time I’m tempted to lose sight of the gift of my wife if I’ll have the strength to tell her first.
I wonder if one of my kids tells me they are gay if I’ll hug them and love them like I say I will.
I wonder if these gigantic American church building will end up museums like the gigantic European church buildings have from the 1800′s.
I wonder if 20 somethings in the church will ever stop romanticizing their theory of how the church should be run and 40 somethings will ever let the 20 somethings give it a shot.
I wonder if I’ll ever be able to swallow the advice I dish.
I wonder if we will realize that blood thirsty mass murderers of our day are no different than the saint who wrote so much of the New Testament.
I wonder these things daily.
I wonder.

What do you wonder?
Los

http://bohemianbowmans.com Jessica

Wow, that was a boatload of awesome. Thanks.
Tripp

Wow.
http://brendasbrainchild.blogspot.com Brenda

I wonder if I’ll ever figure out what my purpose is in life. I wonder if I’ll ever reach the point where my first instinct will be prayer and faith in times of trauma instead of anxiety and worry.
http://passionburnswithin.com Jason Roth

In my neck of the woods I wish the 40 somethings could get a shot at running the church their way and that the 20-40 somethings would actually show up
http://babyfeet3.com Kim

I wonder if I spend enough time truly spending time with my kids. I wonder if I tell my husband, and show him, how much I love him.
And I wonder why I haven’t been visiting this blog more often. I have you on my roll . . .I wonder why I’m not here every day.
Sarah

I wonder if I do a good job of loving my kids on a daily basis.
I wonder if God will say ‘well done good and faithful servant’ when I get there.
I wonder how amazing it will feel to worship when we get to heaven.
Also, less important:
I wonder if I will be able to handle going grey when I get there.
http://Twitter.com/banklynn Lynn

I wonder if I will ever have the dedication to pray first thing in the morning instead of checking my Facebook and email accounts.
Jess

I wonder if I will ever see myself the way my husband sees me – beautiful. I wonder if we will ever break out of this cycle of job loss or if we are destined to struggle our whole lives. I wonder if when I am 75 if I’ll have to eat cat food to stay alive. I wonder if God really can see me and knows how desperate I am for life to be different for my kids. I wonder if I was a better person, tithed more, had more faith, was prettier, happier then things would change for us. I wonder if I will struggle with depression for the rest of my life and why is everyone else so damn happy. I wonder if I just shared too much…
Marty

Woah, dude.
Tripp

I wonder if Jesus died for everyone or just the people who are fortunate enough to have the right information

I wonder if I’ll ever feel confident without affirmation

I wonder if I’ll ever switch from Apple to something else

I wonder if I’ll ever make a crazy left turn in life like move to another country indefinitely

I wonder if I’ll ever stop wondering if people respect me

I wonder what I’m wrong about and don’t know it

I wonder if cuss words won’t exist in 50 years

I wonder if christian men really like cigars as much as they claim to

I wonder what my “non-christian” friends think about my worldview
http://www.millermemories.wordpress.com Emily M

I wonder if we made the right choice in schools for our son, despite all the signs pointing to yes
I wonder how his first day of kindergarten will be on Monday
I wonder if he’ll miss me as much as I’ll miss him
I wonder if his sister will miss him and vice versa
I wonder what he’ll learn
I wonder if I’ve prepared him enough for school
I wonder if he’ll be bold in his faith as he gets older
I wonder if I’ve told him enough how much I love him and how proud I am of him
I wonder how long he’ll be in kindergarten before I stop obsessing about it
I wonder if anyone in my office can tell that I am now crying at my desk at the thought of all these things
http://Andrewgergen.com Andrew

I wonder how many times I closed this page before typing this to avoid saying ‘I wonder if I’ll ever let myself be vulnerable with my community.’
Whit

I wondered last night if God is really sad over what we are doing to ourselves, each other, animals and the earth. I swear I felt His sadness. I do wonder all different types of things almost daily.
BriAnne

Wow Los, that was a lot.. but you know what.. it made me feel better… makes me realize I’m not the only one who’s thoughts spin in circles constantly.. I may not have the same wonders at you, but the cursing at God one does hit home.. thanks for sharing your brain with us.. you helped me get through mine today..
HeatherEV

I wonder if, in my darkest moments, I’ll reach out for help instead of giving up.
I wonder if I am really walking in God’s plan or if I have just convinced myself that my plan is His.
I wonder if God really cares about the little, insignificant things as much as I want to believe He does.
I wonder if I have it right when it comes to who God is.
I wonder why God allows so much suffering.
I wonder if I have enough faith to accomplish the things God has put in front of me.
I wonder how much those little doubts truly affect my life.
I wonder if I can ever begin to understand the mind of God.
I wonder if I am really good enough to go to heaven, despite knowing its not about what I have done, but what He has done.
I wonder if I will ever stop asking questions and just trust.
http://musicalmindset-realnoimitation.blogspot.com/ Brad

I wonder if I’ll ever be satisfied with my career.

I wonder if I’ll ever find someone to share my life with.

I wonder if I will be a good husband/father.

I wonder why I run from Christ when I should lean on him

I wonder why I have to fall to the temptations of being a man and lusting after women I know aren’t really what I want.

I wonder when I will realize my purpose in life.

I wonder when going back to Africa will stop being a dream and become a reality.

I wonder if I will ever be able to prioritize my life so that Christ truly does come first.

I wonder when I’ll stop wondering.

and just for fun– I wonder if Los will read this?

Grace and Peace
anon

I wonder if any man will ever think I’m beautiful.

I wonder if I would ever be able to believe it even if he did.

I wonder if I will ever feel like an adult.

I wonder if I will ever reach my career aspirations.

I wonder if I will ever be free from my struggle with depression.

I wonder if I will ever get married.

I wonder if I will ever be free of this food addiction.

I wonder if I will always hate myself.

I wonder if I will ever have the courage to post things like this as myself and not anonymously.
Cindy

All I can do is type and delete.

Everything I start out with I wonder… should really be I worry…

And that’s not supposed to be the same thing.

:-/He

GaryMoore

You are not alone! :-/
I just had the same exact experience… All I do if wonder

bdg

i wonder if i’ll ever truly be free from finding security in money.

i wonder if i’ll ever stop being so judgemental of others and truly love them.

i wonder if i’ll ever truly try to engage a friendship with someone who doesn’t live like i do.
Katie

I wonder if I’ll ever really believe that God loves me, right now, as I am, without my having to meet some laundry list of requirements first.

I wonder if the day will come when I can truly live in the present, instead of living in the past.

I wonder if God is as impatient with me as I am with myself.

I wonder if I’m totally missing the boat when it comes to recovery, healing, and faith – and what that really looks like instead of what my jaded, cynical, legalistic heart tried to turn it into.
Matt

Good stuff Los… Definitely thought provoking. I wonder a lot of stuff too – but would have a hard time clearly articulating it as you do. I tend to ramble in my wonderings.

But as for one you mention – Regarding mass murderers and Paul. Are you saying they are no different because “they are sinners”…. or are you saying they are no different because “they are mass murderers”? Just curious. Not trying to be all “whatchu talkin about willis!”
daveu

Too much to wonder about. Pretty much ditto everything you say. We would probably despise one another if we ever met. I realize my resentment towards you is part jealousy and irritated that I see so much of me in you. You rock, Los.
Jana

I wonder what heaven will be like. As a mother of 2 boys, I wonder if I’ll have a chance to talk to Mary about what it was like to raise Jesus. I wonder if we’d share stories about raising our sons…hers perfect, mine not so much. I wonder if I’ll be so consumed with worshiping Him in heaven, I won’t even wonder about this any more.
http://oneyearstransformation.wordpress.com Steve

I wonder if I’ll be able to be at peace in church again.
I wonder if I commit to someone.
I wonder if when I’ll feel at home in a community of believers.
I wonder if people are judging my previous life experience.
I wonder if I’m secretly proud of said experiences.
I wonder why my past seems more attractive than my future.
I wonder if God really pays attention to my moaning.
I wonder if my prayers are more about me than about him.
http://longsleevesandchucks.wordpress.com Michelle

I wonder what God’s gonna do with my life.
I wonder if I’ll ever feel completely comfortable with him in control instead of me.
http://nextstopnineveh.wordpress.com Virgil

At this point I wonder if He’s even listening.
Alicia

I wonder if I’m on the brink of blowing it at my job.
I wonder if I’ll get this paper done.
I wonder about how God is spoken of as so compassionate at times … and other times, He is spoken of as holy and vengeful – how then, do I come to Him the way I am? Which one is He?
I wonder if I’ll be a good wife.
I wonder if the world as we know it is 2 blinks away from gone forever.
I wonder why I watch the news so much because all it does is leave me scared.

Emily

God is just.God is good. I wouldn’t say God is vengeful. Sometimes it may seem that way, but He isn’t. God may seem unfair and mean at times, but it is all a part of His big plan. All I can say is, have faith.

http://marleeward.com Marlee

I just started doing the age think last year. However, I’m totally convinced it’s unintentional. I just can’t remember exactly how old I am anymore.
Andrew P

I wonder if I’ll ever feel like I’m a success to the degree that I currently feel like I’m a failure.
I wonder if I’ll ever win my wife’s heart back.
I wonder if I’ll ever let go of my hurts
I wonder if I’ll ever crave God as deeply and as often as I crave coffee and cigarettes.
I wonder if I’ve ever made a difference.
I wonder what the world will look like in 20 years. Or 40.
I wonder if I’ll ever be half the man my father is (despite all his faults).
I wonder if I’ll ever have a moment where I’m not stressed or worried about the bazillion things things that run through my head.
I wonder (at 33 years old) what I should do when I grow up.

And less profound… I wonder if I’ll ever be as cool as Carlos….

Emily

Andrew, you can make a difference. You probably already have made a difference. I don’t know you. But that’s okay, because I understand. I have a lot of the same pains and hurt, but what always brought me back up, was that I remember that God has a plan for everyone, and it will turn out wonderful. All I can really say for you Andrew, is to just have faith. Have faith that God has control and will take care of you.

julie

this was awesome…….the post and the comments, so glad to know i’m not the only one who worries a lot
Karen G

I wonder if my daughter will love God just as much when she’s 20 as she does at 8. I wonder if I’ll ever obey God as much as I say I want to. I wonder if I’ll ever truly respect my husband the way I know God wants me to. I wonder if my husband will ever truly be the leader of our home and will I really have the guts to let him. I wonder if I’ll ever truly forgive my mom for my childhood, or will I be able to suck it up and let it go. I wonder if anybody will actually listen to what I have to say, or will I always be on the sidelines. Will I be brave enough to stand out, or will I let fear keep me down.
Jonathan

I wonder if I’ll ever feel like I truly fit in somewhere.
I wonder if I’ll ever decisively win my battles with sin.
I wonder if God truly can forgive me as often as I seem to be asking for it.
I wonder where God is leading me, ’cause it seems opposite to where I thought he was less than two years ago.
I wonder if my kids will love God as adults as much as they do now.
I wonder if my wife will find the healing she longs for.
I wonder if my friends will still be my friends when I go to a different church.
This is what I wonder today.
Kaela

I wonder if me starting to workout again will lead me down the road back to starving myself just to be “thin” again.
I wonder if I’ll stray and go surf the web for things my eyes should never see again.
I wonder if I’m really a good Children’s Director.
I wonder if I’ll ever graduate from college and get a real job.
I wonder if I’ll ever stop comparing myself to my brother.
I wonder if I’ll finally let go of people so I can hold onto God.
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Tiffani

I wonder if my (almost ex) husband will ever come back.

I wonder if any man will ever love me in the way i desire to be loved.

I wonder if what i mean is if any man will think i’m great in the way i wish someone did.

I wonder if i will ever get that Christ wants me to allow Him to be that for me.

I wonder if i will ever REALLY believe i am all that HE says i am.

I wonder if i pray enough for my children… take that back… because i dont have to wonder. I know i dont.

I wonder if Gods call on my life is my selfish desire or if its really what i am anointed to do?

I wonder if He will ever allow me to do that again.

I wonder if i can ever really live for HIS approval and not others.

I wonder if i will ever be as “awesome” as i want people to think i am.

I wonder if i will always be over weight because dangit i just really love food.

I wonder if people think i talk too much… they probably do.

I wonder if i will be able to keep this current thirst i have for Jesus, or if when my life gets “easier” again i will get complacent.
Emily

That was a lot of wondering….but I can agree with a few of them. Sometimes I wonder if the things I did in my past affect the way God feels about me…does it make Him think of me less? More? Even though I know God loves me even though I mess up, I wonder if He has abandoned me because of my past mistakes. And I guarantee a lot of people have felt the same way.
Tina

I wonder if God is really enough, then why do I always want more.
Jean

I wonder why God even created human beings if He knew the majority of them would burn in hell forever.
Christian

I wonder if I will ever truly forgive my wife for cheating

I wonder if I will ever be enough for her

I wonder if I will ever be enough for GOD
dENNIS

I wonder if i should stop feeding my pet rock

Carlos Whittaker

I Wonder If God Is Angry I Cussed Him Out Last Night…What Do You Wonder?

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