Carlos Whittaker

Jun18

Lazy Christian Advice – “Hang in there, God is in control”

Posted by loswhit in Deep Stuff

About 20 seconds after I took this picture Losiah told me he wanted down.
I could have told him to hang in there that God was in control.
Then let him fall to his certain death after his hands give way to the weight of his problem.
OK. Maybe not death, but CPS would come knocking for sure.
But you know what I did?
I walked over to him and held him up.
Then I helped him down.

3 months ago I had a friend tell me to “hang in there, God is in control” while I was going through one of the toughest seasons of my life.

As Christians we pull this crap with people all the time.
Sure God is in control.
But He created us to be His hands and feet.
So before you are tempted to say “Hang in there”, walk over to your friend who is hanging and hold them up.
Cause pretty soon, you will be the one “hanging in there”

When was the last time you were the one “hanging”?
Los

Laura Milner

This is what people say to us about our adoption. We get set backs or hear bad news and EVERYONE says. Gods in control , he knows best. When all you want to hear is “that sucks, I’m so sorry”. Hearing “keep the faith” also bugs me. I’m asking for prayer, of course I’m keeping my faith.
http://somewiseguy.com ThatGuyKC

First off, adorable photo of your boy.

Secondly, I’ve been guilty of the “hang in there” comment when I should have just said, “dude that’s rough. I don’t know what to tell you except that God loves you and I’ll pray with you.”

I think Christians fall back on the “God’s in control” cliche because we don’t know what else to say when the messy crap of life gets mud on our face.

Although I think we should say “let me hang WITH you.”
Chris Martin

Agreed. I would even take it one step further, and submit God is not in control, he CHOSE to give us control. I’m not saying god isn’t powerful enough to be in control, he certainly can work in our lives in awesome ways, but the key ingredient to his plan is US. We have to choose him, we have to choose what is right, choose to help people.
http://www.JanetOberholtzer.com Janet Oberholtzer

Excellent post!

After horrific injuries from a nasty accident almost killed me… the “hang in there, God is in control” attitude from others pushed me deep into depression causing an almost second death to me.

Only by going through a spiritual renewal (about that mindset and others) was I able to crawl out of that hole of depression.

Bravo to you for addressing this!
http://themultifariousman.blogspot.com/ Jonathan

Right now. And, yes, I believe God is in control, but I’m a bit of a bipolar Christian right now (like you posted awhile back). I believe, but oh, Lord, help my unbelief.

An old pastor friend of mine, when asked what his favorite scripture was, replied “and it came to pass”. That is about all I have right now…. it came, it will pass.
http://traceysolomon.wordpress.com Tracey Solomon

My husband has prostate cancer—and I am having spinal surgery saturday… let’s just say we’ve been hanging for a while… and people say all kinds of things that don’t help.

I have a post up on John Acuff’s site about it -http://www.jonacuff.com/stuffchristianslike/2012/06/what-not-to-say/

I also have awesome friends who hold me up… with words, with meals, with time and texts and love and smack downs when I need them….
Jen

My husband and I are hanging now. This year our adoption was closed, my husband was dianosed with diabetes,and he had a heart attack over Memorial Day weekend.

We feel like we are stumbling in the dark and we don’t know which way to turn. Telling us God is in control or God’s timing in perfect is not really what I want to hear right now. Most friends are even too scared to ask us about what is going on. That just sometimes makes me think no one really cares.

This is probably more than you wanted to know. What I wish people would say to me is “I don’t really know what to say but I’m sorry.” Even ask us to hang out or just let us vent and cry it out. A phrase like “God is in control” just sort of feels like you are blowing me off.
http://heatherlydee.blogspot.com Heather

I’m guilty of saying the wrong thing because sometimes it’s better than not saying anything. I have a friend going through the absolute worst thing imaginable and that’s almost exactly what I said to her in the last letter I wrote to her. But I also said that I am here crying out to God with her. There is NOTHING I can do to change her circumstances nor is there anything she can do, but I can remind her and myself that while this doesn’t make sense God is bigger than the situation and I’ll be here for her along the way.
http://chadwickfloyd.com ChadwickFloyd

Word.

Let’s do this together.

And please don’t misquote Jeremiah 29:11 to me- say that God has specific good plans specifically for me- that verse was for Jews in exile.
http://www.mustardseedyear.com Jason Wert

Let’s see…it’s 11:07am…so…um…11:06am?
Stephanie

I had a miscarriage in April and my husband and I heard the line “God knows what He’s doing” more times than I can count.

It never made us feel any better. We already knew that but it didn’t change the fact our baby was gone.

It was the people who cried WITH us, cried FOR us, brought us dinner, sat with us, and told us they knew it sucked and were praying for us that God used to get us through that time. We saw the Church be the Church in a brand new way and I’m forever grateful to the people who didn’t just throw lines at us but genuinely were/are hanging in there WITH us.

joy

Thank God for people who were WITH you. When I suffered my second miscarriage and I was devastated…my *pastor* said to me “you’re not the only one going through something you know…” And one of the deacons said to me “You’re a worship leader! You should be worshiping!!!” I guess a worship leader isn’t ever allowed to feel sad and overwhelmed especially when losing an unborn child. And other such unhelpful comments were freely laid on my like they were doing me a favor. So, when I had the third miscarriage, I didn’t even bother to tell anyone …

http://hollybirdswords.blogspot.com Hollybird

This breaks my heart. we’ve lost 4 babies, and even now (10 years later), I still think about them a lot. I don’t cry every day, but I wonder what they would have been like, looked like, etc etc. Someone telling me “God has this” doesn’t take away real grief.

In times like this, I’ve learned to be like the psalmist and just cry out… like it or not. I’m sorry you felt there was no one you could tell of your third miscarriage. It DOES suck…There is a deep loss that comes with that. Give yourself permission to grieve and also to tell people who don’t get it how you feel about that.

much love from here….

MJT

I lost my job in 2009- had been in a profession 32 years and got pushed out. Couldnt find anything in what I knew to do, if I had 10 bucks for evertime I heard, the Hang in there, God is in control, mantra I wouldnt have had to work, I think some people use it as an excuse to not engage in actually stepping out and helping, Let God take care of it. Also , I know that in some situations, people are helpless to help, and they wish they could, so they just say something similar to the God is in Control thing. What did I do? I stepped out, finally realized that God will provide as I need , not what I want. I started a small business, in a new line of work at the age of 56. I aint getting rich, I work really hard, but I am current with my bills , and I am blessed. The best advice I was given, was, “your situation sucks, you got screwed, now what are YOU going to do? It ticked me off when I was told that, because I wanted to do what I knew, not anyting else. Oh, by the way, I married the lady who told me this on 2-29-12.
BriAnne

I’m right there with you on this.. been through some crappy stuff and that becomes everyone’s favorite phrase.. I needed to hear it though- be reminded that He’s got it all worked out, but it’s when the statement ended there that bugged me to no end.. only a few people said God’s go this, but I know it sucks to go through it.. I’m right here if you need me.. that meant so much more than a simple reminder and walking away.. After going through that, I will never walk away.. I know God plans things out, and sometimes it really sucks to go through it.. but I always be there for those who need me while they walk through it..
http://andykiff.wordpress.com Andy

Good word. That’s one to add to “stop, think, and do something different before you say it” list!
Art

I’m there right now, and the thing people say that drives me insane is “everything will be ok.” Um, no, everything might not be ok… everything is NOT ok.
http://chadwickfloyd.com ChadwickFloyd

The go-to response of “hang in there,” or “God only gives you what you can handle” or “for I know the plans I have for you…” is maddening. I wrote something about this most misquoted verse in the Bible here- let me know what you think: http://chadwickfloyd.com/2012/06/18/cheer-up-champ-huge-eye-roll/
Hollie

Well Said!
Robyn

I really need someone to hold me up right now, but I moved to a new city according to God’s direction, and I can’t find anyone in my new church family to hold me up. They don’t know me or my situation since it is an especially confidential-type situation. Also, I can’t find anyone with a similar situation to relate to what I am dealing with. I have googled and googled for support groups or individuals. There are moments of closeness with the Lord. I miss the joy I had in Him before all the ugliness of reality was brought to my attention. I want Him to be glorified in this situation. He is the savior…not me. I sure could use a human, tho. I have prayed and asked…in His time. Until then, I trust Him, but I am having to deal with anger and resentment towards an individual, and I don’t know how to handle that. This is hard.