Posted by loswhit in Authenticity

spanking_kids

We didn’t spank our girls.
So we thought we were amazing parents.
We wondered why anybody would spank.
Then we got Losiah.
I’m now officially of the opinion that what works for you works for you and I’m not sticking any of my opinions on you.
Because none of ya’ll butts had to deal with my 3 year old emotional single lady diva.
Step off.
;)

Did you get spanked as a kid?
Los

Note.  I actually NEVER got spanked.  Actually I remember getting spanked once.  Once.  And I think he was wounded more than my butt was. But hey. Not every kid is as amazing as I was as a child.

  • Vicki

    Yep, my dad would send me to my room to wait for it. That was the worst part.

    • http://www.thetechologyshow.com Matthew

      Totally agree, Vicki. Waiting was the worst part for me too.

      And then, when dad would come in, I remember him saying, “This will hurt me as much as it hurts you.” I never really understood what that ment as a child, but I do now, as an adult.

      Honestly, as bad as spankings were, I wouldn’t wish my childhood any other way.

      My wife and I have had this conversation – we will not be opposed to spanking our children if necessity calls for it. The key will be to remember that we must never punish out of anger, but out of love.

      • http://lukeellard.wordpress.com luke ellard

        ^^ dittodittoditto

        almost all of my colleagues were spanked as children, and none of us hold any grudge or negative feelings toward it. we now understand why our parents chose that course of action and BOY did it work!

    • Craig

      I totally agree. In my house we used a paddle called “the board” and my Dad made us go “find The Board” before we got spanked. That was worse than the actual spanking.

  • Eric

    If I was really bad I got the rice server!!! That thing is intense.

  • http://belovedinspiration.wordpress.com Kaela

    Yes I was.. and I remember them. Some of them were out of parent rage and not my behavior. Others, well I deserved those.

    • http://belovedinspiration.wordpress.com Kaela

      Worse one was when mom made me pull the rubber off a ping pong paddle.. did you know the paddle has holes? My bottom did after that.

  • Annie

    don’t even get me started … do what you gotta do, Daddy!

  • http://jakeschwein.com Jake

    Oh yeah!! The question isn’t if or when but when didn’t I get my butt beat. I still remember walking to the closet to get the set apart wooden spoon for my spanking.

  • Ashley

    Oh yeah…my mom used a wooden spoon or my dads belt. My dad just used his hand. It definitely shaped me into the person I am today!

  • David

    I totally got spanked as a kid.
    My mom would say “wait til your father gets home.” sometimes she wouldn’t wait haha

    I hated it as a kid but right now..it makes sense. I can absolutely tell who was spanked as a child and who wasn’t.

  • http://bluequillwriting.wordpress.com Brooke

    I usually manipulated my way out spankings, says my dad. I would hold out my hands, bat my eyelashes and say “hugs daddy?” or “I love you daddy!”. And I would pretty much get out of my spanking everytime… until mom finally started doing it.

    • http://thebeautyfromashes.blogspot.com Abby Y

      Man, that never worked for me! haha

      • @DaniJoy94

        That worked for me too, until my mom caught on to my “Daddy’s girl” scheme and took matters into her own hands – literally.

  • Holly

    Lying was the only spanking offence in our house. And trust me, it only took once. After that the threat was always more than enough for me.

  • http://www.edwardscoaching.com Andrew

    Yes I did and I needed it!! We discipline our children in a number of ways with a spank being the end of the line. It’s usually coupled with a time out as well – and we’ve found that we need to do it less these days. Once the boundary has been established its pushed upon but usually our kids are good with keeping it :)

  • http://www.bensayin.com Ben

    3 Spoons on the wall, a small medium and large one. My dad said, “pick one.”

    • http://www.tanyaloca.com Tanya

      Oh my gosh! I can totally imagine that.

  • Laura-Leigh

    I got a butt whippin’ everyday. Even if I didn’t do anything wrong. My mom said it kept me humble. It definitely kept me standing.

    • Brian

      Are you serious?? That seems a bit excessive.

      • Tresa

        Really?? So was it just..”okay darling, line up for your daily spanking now?” Not sure that’s a good example to set for a child. Sometimes as a last resort you gotta do whatcha gotta do though!

  • http://www.ramblingsofasaint.com Christian

    I would always make my mom think she really brought the hammer. The more tears, the better. That way, I avoided the “wait until your Father gets home” comment. A few years ago, I came clean to my mom… needless to say her heart was broken that she wasn’t the BA she thought she was.

    • Brian

      Business Analyst? What?

      *this geek moment brought to you by…*

  • http://wvpv.me wvpv

    I got my fair share of spankings as a kid. I have also dished them out with my children. They always worked on my daughter and never on my son.

  • http://Baldgoat.tumblr.com Jeremy Voss

    I remember growing up getting spankings and then one day I guess they thought I was old enough to migrate to a new form of punishment. The grounding. I longed for a quick spanking after the misery of guilt that came with being grounded. Spankings were great and quick. Not that I liked them, but compared to grounding they were a momentary affliction. Now that I am a parent I remember my thoughts and use a mixture of punishments as needed. You have to keep things lively like P90X for discipline. Don’t let them get used to any one thing and shift the punishment based on the appropriate situation. spanking is only one of many tools in the toolbelt of discipline. Consistency in what is appropriate behavior is always necessary, but the discipline can shift as necessary.

    • Brian

      I love this. GREAT post.

  • http://getremixed.blogspot.com Liz

    I did a few times. My mom would mostly do the spankings, and if I was particularly bad she’d threaten to tell my dad and have him give the spanking. (which also worked, because I knew my dad would spank way harder than my mom. That only took once to figure out.) Eventually I realized that my moms spanks didn’t really even hurt that much.

    Do I know what I’ll do when I have kids? Not for sure, since I’m not really even near that point. Pretty sure it will be a last resort, if at all.

    And I know people say they can always tell who spanks and who doesn’t, (and I used to think the same) but one of the best behaved group of kids in our church is a family that I know for a fact doesn’t spank at all. (kids ranging from 3-10.) It’s for sure a situation-by-situation thing.

  • http://www.reflectionofgrace.wordpress.com Brandi

    Um… I was the kid that looked my dad in the face after a beating and said “It didn’t hurt!”.

    ;) Needless to say, I deserved it. Often. :)

  • Brian

    I only remember a couple of instances where I got spanked. I was a pretty well-behaved kid so I didn’t get it often. My older sister was spanked a LOT and she was B-A-D all the way through high school…

    But there were reasons behind my behavior and my sister’s behavior that had NOTHING to do with getting spanked. Ultimately (in my personal not-a-parent-but-wanna-be opinion), I think it’s very important to discipline your children and I think spanking, when done correctly and early enough on, won’t need to happen too often because the child will gain a healthy understanding of your authority at an early age. But of course…EVERY child is different and there are so many other factors besides spanking that affect a child’s behavior.

  • http://brendasbrainchild.blogspot.com/ Brenda

    My parents did. My dad had a spanking stick that was kept on top of the fridge. I don’t really have any feelings about it looking back, but I talked about it with my sister a few months ago (I don’t remember why) and she said she still feels bad about it, that she remembers one time when she was older and it was awful for her. I don’t know if I’m comfortable with the idea of me using spanking for discipline once I have kids just because I think it could make it hard for me to keep my own anger in check. I remember being pretty violent with my sister when we were younger, and I think I associate anything physical that I might do with those feelings of frustration, anger, and hurt.

  • http://blog.stevelowe.org Steve

    Yup, I was spanked. And should’ve been spanked more.

    • http://www.calebgordon.com Caleb Gordon

      AMEN BROTHER!!!

  • Mike

    Oh yeah, both my brother and I got it good up to a certain point. I remember my dad had this leather belt with his name engraved on it that he used to use. Once we got older and the spankings didn’t phase us, we graduated to picking a pepper that he was growing in the back yard and taking a bite.

    But yes, we spank our children. When my wife and I first married, she was against it and I didn’t have a problem with it. But as the kids got older and more testy, she gave in. It’s not the first option, it’s usually what we save for last… but it’s the one that works if everything else fails.

    • Nick

      a pepper, that’s creative

  • http://www.dirtygirlsministries.com Crystal Renaud

    my brothers were spanked way more than i was…. 0:)

  • Laura

    I was spanked once…. I was told to pick what i wanted- a wooden spoon or the back of the plastic brush. It only took once for me to know I did not like getting spanked. There were definitely times when I should have been spanked though and wasn’t. I was a “strong willed child”

  • http://christiangirl3712.posterous.com HeatherEV

    I got spanked too much. I worry that I might do the same to my kids, so I personally will not spank them myself, but their father 9whoever he ends up being) will be delegated the task of spanking if and when it is needed.

    • Deb

      Spanking generally consisted of a few easy swats with my children. Our daughters were easily disciplined but our son was a different story. You couldn’t grab his arm to pull him to you or an immediate physical battle began. You could tell him to come to you and bend over your knee and he would comply. You have to figure out what works for the particular child and the behavior you are dealing with.
      And I want to add that it bothers me when I hear “wait until your daddy gets home”. Why would you cause his children to dread daddy coming home and make him the bad guy who does the spanking? Parenting is a shared responsibility, even the spanking.

  • Mountainash

    I choose not to inflict pain to gain obedience. I believe God places relationship above obedience and hitting my children damages my relationship with them. It’s not always easy to come up with a gentle solution to every disciplinary scenario, but I’ve found it to be worthwhile.

    Being spanked as a child never changed my heart. It changed my behavior but instead of angering outwardly, I turned it all inward and became a very self-destructive person.

    When I could do so without my parents catching wind of it, I made obviously foolish decisions simply because I had the freedom to do so. By being constantly controlled and steered by an external force (my parents and the threat of pain) stunted my senses of self-respect and honorableness.

    • http://sortacrunchy.typepad.com Megan at SortaCrunchy

      Ditto this. Yes, yes, yes.

  • Kim S.

    My mom or dad would use either a belt, wooden spoon or their hand. Ugh I would start crying right before I got the spanking because I knew what was coming.

  • http://www.permissiontoperuse.com Amy

    Yep! We were both spanked by a wooden spoon, usually just two small swats. I was usually crying before it even started because I felt so bad for what I did, not because it was going to hurt. So thankful for it too.

  • http://lancemorgan.me Lance M.

    Yes I was spanked.

    But, I would hope for my da to give the spanking, and not my mom. Don’t tell her that though. :-)

  • http://www.itsthedash.com Justin

    I am the youngest of 3, and me and my brother saw my dad spank the oldest brother once and that was enough for us. He never had to spank either one of us, haha.

  • Cindy

    Spanking was reserved for major transgressions in my family growing up. I only remember once for me and it was because I crossed the ditch at the road, which was a safety issue and I knew better. My brother got a whipping with a switch once for tossing my brand new glasses in a field of standing hay. I don’t recall either of us having bruises from those two incidents. I knew kids growing up who frequently had bruises up and down their backs and legs for what seemed like very minor things to me. I found that horrifying. My mother moved to more creative punishment as we grew older. As in, the first (and only) time we broke curfew, our punishment was to paint the entire outside of the house. And? She made my brother’s best friend help us becuase he had the misfortune of being with us that night.

  • http://www.freetoliveforyou.blogspot.com Chad

    I didn’t get it near as much as I should have, and it typically wasn’t done the right way either. We’ve done our best to employ the Biblical method that Ted Tripp exposits in his book “Shepherding a Child’s Heart”. It essentially comes down to “always discipline in love and never in anger”. I’ve messed up on this many times, to my shame. :-(

    Still, spanking (when done right), is Biblical and effective.

    • Allen

      Chad,
      My wife and I are going through SaCH too. Also, Dobson’s Dare to Discipline. Two great resources and must reads!

  • http://thebeautyfromashes.blogspot.com Abby Y

    I definitely got spanked. A lot. Out of the 3 of us, I got spanked the most. We had wooden spoons stashed in both bathrooms.
    I remember my dad would always tell me to “turn” my attitude around and possibly avoid a spanking… I almost never did. (Or maybe I did and then still got the spanking!)

    I have no idea how I’ll discipline my children someday…

  • http://www.joerob.com Joseph

    I was a kid who was built for spankings. Curious, slightly mischievous, strong-willed, stubborn (bull-headed, even), sometimes disrespectful, and energetic. I got my share of spankings, definitely. Nothing else would have worked with me.

    I’m terrified I’m going to have a son who’s just like I was…

  • http://www.chrisburke.ca Chris Burke

    I was spanked as a child.. though I only got it once.. but I was a really good kid according to my parents. My sister also got spanked.. a lot more than me.. but she was a hellian.. she turned out just fine.. We also spank our son (he’s 2) we do try to use time out a little more than spanking, because he REALLY hates time out.. but when he’s done something really bad, he does get a swat on the arse.. We will also spank our second child (he’s only 3 days old right now.. so obviously he wont get one any time soon..) but.. yea, I think spanking is a good thing, and I’ll tell you why.. I work with kids every day whose parents don’t care about them.. they don’t discipline them, they in no way show any kind of care for their kids.. and do you know what comment I hear from these kids almost every day… “I just wish my parents would care enough to discipline me”.. parents today are to lax.. they are afraid of looking like the bad guy, and are more interested in being a cool parent who kids like.. as a result, their kids almost always turn out to be terrible, trouble ridden kids.. we need to realize that as parents, we are NOT our kids friends, we are their parents.. and we need to act like parents and stop being afriad that someone is going to call Childrens Aid on us for giving our kid a swat on the ass when they are bad.

    Rant over

  • http://www.calebgordon.com Caleb Gordon

    YES I was spanked, I got less than I needed. In other words I got away with lots of junk, I needed WAY more…spanking is the LAST resort in our home. But we have 3 boys who like to be boys…I have a friend whose answer is “beat ‘em every time” LOL!! I get creative in my discipline. Placing 1 of my boys on their bed for 10 min is HORRIBLE. He BEGS for me to spank him and “get it over with” LOL!!!!!

    The scripture teaches us it’s not a bad thing to get spanked.

    Proverbs 29:15

    15(A) The rod and reproof give wisdom,
    but a child left to himself(B) brings shame to his mother.

  • http://www.calebgordon.com Caleb Gordon

    My wife spanked me the other day, but that’s whole other blog topic! :-) LOL!!!!!!

    I’M TOTALLY KIDDING….ok maybe just a little ;-)

  • http://Twitter.com/jeffpurcell50 Jeff Purcell

    I got spanked with a hairbrush and a dang clothes hanger :)

  • http://www.calebgordon.com Caleb Gordon

    I think the overwhelming thought on this is that those of us who got spanked are not any worse off for it. In fact I think most of us are probably better because of it.

    Just my 2 cents!

  • eric

    My dad would use his belt. I would also get the “back-hand” threat often, but my dad only used it once. (It was quick and unexpected.) My mom, though she never spanked, had a mean smack when I would talk back. As I grew older – probably late elementary – I would get a choice between a spanking or being grounded, and I would always choose the spanking because it was faster and less boring.

    Now that I’m a parent, I don’t spank (though I would never take that right away from others). Positive reinforcement has been working fine… though the occasional “time-out” is helpful.

  • http://www.thedailywalk.net Adam

    Sure did! Quiet a few times :)

  • http://www.itsmysoulsong.blogspot.com Philip

    Oh yea I was spanked as a child. My dad had a wooden paddle that looked like a sword that he kept it on top of the refrigerator. I would get the “wait till your father gets home” line from my mom, and when dad got home and reached for the top of the frig I knew it was on. The wait was the worst part for sure.
    My parents didn’t beat me by any means, but I learned real quick that there were consequences when I did something wrong.
    I don’t have kids yet but I think I will keep the same method…

  • http://creativeseven.wordpress.com Christen

    I did and when I did I totally deserved it. I was good 99% of the time but that 1% I totally deserved what I got lol

  • Paul Vergalla

    My mom used to whip me with a belt when she was drunk. She went overboard. I think she saw her husband in me. But I forgave her for it.

  • Nick

    Waiting was the worst part. I always hoped my parents would forget, but that never happened. I was only spanked until I was old enough to understand the punishment of having priveleges taken away.

  • http://adamherod.com adam herod

    Worst spanking I ever got was after telling my Dad I was glad he was spanking me because Mom hit harder than him. #poorchoices

  • Emily M

    I definitely got spakned when I was a kid- and I’m sure I deserved every one. My mom was the disciplinarian, so I didn’t have to play the game of waiting until my dad got home, which was nice. I did, however, get spanked with a fly-swatter. Man, do those things sting!

  • http://www.whatsthislifefor.org Toby

    Got smacked in the mouth for smarting off to my grandparents once, but that was it.
    I was visiting my Dad for the summer and 2 weeks into it, he spanked me with a belt for not wearing shoes outside. My Mom flew me home the next day…LOL
    I probably could have used a good beating or two though :D .

  • http://www.myworshiprevolution.com bobby

    This at least somewhat confirms my theory that boys are just harder than girls in that respect. We have 2 strong willed boys and lots of our friends have all girls. They totally don’t get it.

  • http://www.mohan37.com mo

    I never got spanked either. I was a good kid. I was basically Mozart of the 1980s.

    With the babychild at 3months now, I’ve wondered a lot if we’ll need to spank. I hope not…I kinda don’t like it. But, I guess we’ll see.

  • http://thinkspurlove.blogspot.com David

    My parents used spanking and other forms of discipline. I remember one summer day my dad called to check on us. He impersonated the electric company and asked if the A/C was running. I, being 12, said yes. He said I’d better go catch it. I cussed him out and hung up, still not knowing it was dad. He called back 2 seconds later and I knew it was the same “jerk” so I didn’t say anything. Then I heard my dad say “David, the next time I hear you say…” and he repeated every last syllable (he wasn’t a minister but he worked at a church). He told me he would be home in 5 minutes.
    I began to prepare for what would be the worst spanking ever. It took over 3 hours. He brought in a new, light blue legal pad which had one sentence wrote on the top of it. I will not say…(#&$#@$(*#$(&&*#$*…anymore. I had to write that sentence over and over again until the entire legal pad was full. Front and back.
    Lesson learned. :D

    • Missy

      Okay, this punishment is sheer brilliance. Totally keeping it in my back pocket for my son (he’s 8).

  • http://www.christwaychurch.org Matt

    I got spanked, but I never got spanked without knowing why. My parents did a great job of helping me understand that there were rules and consequences. I broke a rule, i received the consequence. they didn’t spank me out of anger (most of the time). It wasn’t punishment. it was intentional discipline.

    I do, however, have a 2 week old daughter and a 2 year old son. I now understand how hard it is to discipline out of love and teaching instead of flash anger. Much respect to my Mom and Dad for being a great team (to this day!)

  • Lindy

    Fly swatter….

  • http://house-of-stone.blogspot.com Jenn

    I got spanked as a kid and so did my sisters. Rarely though… Pretty sure I deserved it!

  • Bethany

    I definitely was, not a lot, but enough. I was (still am, probably) the classic definition of “the strong willed child.”

    My dad tells a great story about spanking from seminary. He had to take a children’s ministry class, and on the first day of class the instructor (older woman, never married, no kids) asked if anyone knew any scripture about children. My father had just read in proverbs “spare the rod, spoil the child.” The woman immediately went sour and said “I knew someone would bring that up” and proceeded to explain why the verse doesn’t apply. My father, also a classic example of the strong willed child, decided to argue with her. He finished the argument by saying “If you had had to raise me, you would have spanked me!”

    So yeah, I come from a family that spanked, and I will probably use that discipline tactic when I have children. But I can definitely see that every child is different, every parent is different, and that spanking can be done well or not (I’ve heard advice like, never spank in anger, always explain the rule the child broke, be consistent), with results depending on all three factors.

  • http://www.morethanclark.com Clark

    Yup… Only got spanked a few times though… The worst was the fact that my dad was a carpenter, aka LOTS of oak around to fashion a paddle or 2 with… Funniest part, when we moved out of our house when I was about 16 we found about 3 paddles in different hiding places where they got “missplaced”…:)

  • http://www.davepettengill.net Dave

    I definitely got spanked and when I did I deserved it for sure. Someone mentioned it earlier I think it is important that if you do choose to spank to do it for corrective purposes not out of parent rage when you are not controlling yourself.

  • http://www.betterisonedayinyourcourts.wordpress.com shayne

    My dad had a belt that had Harley-Davidson engraved into the leather. So when it was necessary he’d say, “You and me and Harley Davidson are gonna go have a talk.”

    Good times.

    My children are 18 and 16 and when they were little, I did spank…but only if it was a case where they were deliberately refusing to obey and KNEW it, or if they were being disrespectful to myself or their father.

    I never spanked for bad grades or messy rooms…but willful disobedience and backtalk would get you a trip to the woodshed…do not pass go and do not collect $200.

    As they got older I didn’t have to do it very often at all. And once they hit their tweens…I was like, “look guys,…I should not have to be doing this right now, you guys are too old for this.” And now, spanking is completely obsolete in our house. Haven’t had to give one in probably 4 or 5 years.

    Everyone tells me my kids are the most polite, loving and well-behaved kids they know.

    You might not agree with my methods…but it’s what worked for us.

    • http://www.tanyaloca.com Tanya

      That was how I got spanked too. Wben we disobeyed and disrespected my parents. I loved that my parents did that because I am who I am today because of the spanking.

      • Andrea

        AMEN, TANYA!

  • http://www.dionevanslive.com Dion Evans

    I definitely got spanked as a kid and in retrospect I think it served its purpose. lol :-) And don’t forget the ever present parental saying before a spanking “This hurts me more than it hurts you.”

  • Sarah

    I was spanked as a child and I needed it. We spank our children and they need it too. The issue comes in HOW you do it. For any Christian I highly recommend “Shepherding a child’s heart” to find out what God says about spanking and to learn to do it in love. I “get spanked” as an adult as well when I have to face the painful consequences of my actions… it teaches me still.

  • http://guidetowomen.wordpress.com/ sharideth

    i was spanked. totally deserved it every time. i think back on it now and laugh when i remember what i did that brought the swat.

    • http://www.tanyaloca.com Tanya

      I laugh at all the spankings I got too. :)

  • http://www.JanetOberholtzer.com Janet Oberholtzer

    I was spanked, well, beaten would be a more accurate word … it didn’t help me, only made me angry and more rebellious.

    I did spank my 3 boys, now teens or yg adults, and they seem to be okay. Most times I did it in a healthy way … talked it over first and loved them through it and afterwards. But if I had to do it over again, I’m not sure I would spank again, or not as often, I would use it more as a last resort. Spanking can be easier or quicker than other forms of discipline so I think I did it too often.
    I would encourage parents to try repeatedly try other options, before spanking.

  • http://procrastinatingtomorrow.wordpress.com/ Adam

    When I was in the 4th grade, I got spanked at school. I got spanked at home too… but school… who get’s spanked at school. Well, thank goodness no one does any more. My offense was having a peeing contest in the boys bathroom. I guess I deserved it.

    • http://www.betterisonedayinyourcourts.wordpress.com shayne

      Were you hitting the toilets or spraying the walls?

      Sheesh…seems kind of harsh for a peeing contest in a bathroom.

  • April

    In our family, you did they crime, you paid the time. We had the minor punishments like sucking on soap for talking back and standing in the corner for acting up but if it was bad enough the belt (or with my gma the switch from outside) was our punishment, especially if all 3 of us got in trouble. My dad would have us line up behind the couch and wait. I only remember getting one spanking ever but that was enough. Usually just the threat of the belt hanging on the door knob of the room my sister and I shared was enough. You never heard a peep out of us.

    Also, an older wiser woman at church taught us singles something important to add to our for our “future-married-withkids” life. She told us a good spanking is on the bottom of the foot. It hurts enough to make the kid recognize that s/he did something wrong and then the evidence is easily hidden from those mamsy pansies that think spanking is wrong.(her words, not mine.)

  • http://kendrasands.blogspot.com kendra

    when i was spanked out of anger… i knew
    when i was spanked out of love and … i knew.

    i am now grateful for the love ones. i would have been a hot mess without them.

  • http://www.tanyaloca.com Tanya

    My brothers and I got the belt that was hanging behind the bedroom door. Oh we got spanked! I knew I needed that spanking, I wouldn’t change it at all. I still have the fondest of memories of my childhood. I would never change a thing. :)

  • Heather

    I got spanked twice by my dad. My mom would pop us (my sister & I) but not really spank. We were just naturally good children. . .lol. Either that or we were raised to know better than to disrespect authority.

    As far as spanking my children. My oldest is very sensitive and emotional so you just have to raise your voice to get her attention. I actually only remember one time popping my oldest daughter. My youngest is very spirited and hard headed so she gets popped and a stern no.

    Which every child is different~

  • p.

    i got spanked. a lot. and like many others, sometimes it was out of parental rage and sometimes it was well-deserved. i would get beat with whatever was closest to my parents (most of the time it was my mom) hands–wooden rulers, metal ladles, belts (the end with the buckle), hangers, wood/metal rods, wires/thick rope, shoes, the shovel–anything. if we weren’t getting beat as a punishment, we had to stand in the corner for hours on end. i remember one time i stood in the corner for six hours.

  • http://bigcchurch.blogspot.com/ ben dillenback

    I got the wooden spoon all the time growing up. It worked for me, but not so much for my sisters. Interestingly enough my parents punished me with spanking, but never hurt me. I believe there is a difference.

  • Jeannine

    My mom used a wooden spoon. I am not sure what I did but I remember being angry because she seemed angry. I am not totally against it but I can say, I have never truly spanked mine. I have disciplined them; you just have to know what works for them. Each child is different. My youngest would go until I got eye level and said “Do you really want to take this to the next level?” I am not sure what he thought the next level was but he knew I was serious enough that he didn’t. Or I would tell him if he wanted to embarrass me, I would embarrass him back. And, believe it or not, I get comments all of the time about how well-behaved they are.

  • http://www.glowinglightblog.com Kristel

    Ohhh I definitely got spanked as a kid.
    I’ve never been anti-spanking, I think my parents did what needed to be done.
    Now my husband and I are expecting our first and the thought of ever having to spank our kid breaks my heart. We’ll see what happens.

  • http://www.jonesmediaanddesign.net David

    Yes, I did. And I am thankful. Not only did my dad teach me discipline, but he taught me how to discipline with love. I see parents today and they yell at their kids in public, or discipline them in public. You know what the worst part of that was for them, the embarrassment the parents caused them. What the parents don’t realize is when they embarrass their children, the children loose respect for their parents. You know why? Because the parents didn’t respect the child. My dad taught me this and I now discipline in the same manner. He never raised his voice at me. He never showed anger towards me. If I was disobedient, he would take me into a private room where only he and I could hear. He would talk and explain to me what I had done and he would teach me the reasoning behind the rule that I had disobeyed. He treated me as an adult, even when I was 3 and 4 years old. He would then discipline me (wear my back side out) and then he would hold me and kiss me and tell me that he loved me. I have much respect for him today because he respected me. Now I am beginning to see the benefits of this. My children are the most well-behaved children that are in my circle of relationships. Our church teaches to not ‘spare the rod’ but there are children at my church who are unruly. The reason is because it’s not about the discipline alone, it’s about the message being portrayed during discipline. Now, my kids aren’t perfect, but they are respectful. They aren’t always little angels, but spirits are soft and tender. It’s not about what kind of discipline you give, it’s what are you saying with your discipline. (Sidenote: I also believe the Lord disciplines us in private also. The only people that should hear you cry when you are disciplined are your spiritual daddys. God respects us in public.)

    • http://www.fosterfoto.biz/blog Gretchen Foster

      David-

      Your post just ministered to me in such an incredible way. I have made the mistake of embarrassing my oldest daughter in public and I swear I could see her spirit shredding apart before my eyes over it. I know my response to her is always out of my own embarrassment and anger over her behavior, which never leads to a healthy reaction. The way your dad approached you and demonstrated love, respect, and godly discipline has truly challenged me to do the same for my two girls.

      I agree wholeheartedly, the Lord has never humiliated me in front of an audience. His desire is never to shame me, but to gently show me my wrongdoings and correct me in the way He knows I’ll learn my lesson best.

      Again, thank you for sharing–my heart’s torn up in a fantastic way to change how I discipline.

    • Chelsea

      This post really helped me! I have held some bitterness over the way I was disciplined as a child. I read these other replies and think, “Why aren’t I grateful for the discipline I received, like most people here?” I think the difference is that my parents would very often discipline me publicly– in front of their friends, neighbors, my brother, whoever. I don’t think it was the actual spanking that I have been angry about for so long, but how it was executed. I also totally agree that the Lord disciplines in private.

  • http://somewiseguy.com ThatGuyKC

    I was spanked plenty growing up. Turned out fine.
    I spank my son when he asks for it (yaknowwhatimsayin?).
    My daughter has only gotten a pop on the bum once or twice.

  • http://www.confessionsofalegalist.com Jeremy @ Confessions of a Legalist

    I was spanked. I remember my dad chasing my sister with the belt once after he got pretty upset at her. People may shudder to hear such a story, but any method we use to train our children can be bad if we do it out of anger and frustration. I loved my dad. He was a great father and I miss him.

  • Mrs. Perry

    Grew up in the 60s, when spankings were the norm. Three girls, 1 boy who always antagonized. One time waiting in the car while our parents were grocery shopping, and my brother acted up so much we tattled on him. Result was we all got a whipping “because we hadn’t had one in a while.” That one’s burned into my psyche.

  • MJT

    I got spanked, i got slapped, My father punched me on my shoulder a lot (hard to see the bruise0, he knocked me out cold a time or two when he realy got mad, i have 2 boys, i spanked them both 1 time, I couldnt do it again..

  • dragop21

    I feel such a sadness when I read these comments from everyone. in some ways I am totally astounded that you would think as a 2-14 (!!) year old child that you could *deserve* someone physically hitting you and that somehow you *deserved* it. IMO, if a parent is at the point where they can physically punish you without “losing their cool” then finding a way OTHER than hitting you would have been a much better way to do things. people *do not* deserve physical violence, no matter what their age, or what their transgression. this is not a way to build empathy for other human beings. it teaches that the big should rule the small merely because they have the physical capacity to do so. there are a million other reasons that physical punishment is wrong, but I won’t go on a discourse here. I think Shepherding a Child’s Heart is a piece of crap literature, sprinkled with enough scripture that people believe that Tripp knows what he is talking about when his use of scripture is dubious as best, and completely insane at worst. I think Jesus managed to train 12 guys without shaming, humiliating or even hitting them into submission and I think we can and should do the same thing. But calling spanking Biblically mandated is a steaming load of crap. we can do better, we *should* do better because we are the grown ups and we need to figure out a way to deal with our anger and teach our children what they need to learn, minus physical punishment and shame and humiliation which is the twisted norm of “Christian” lit. what a terrible witness to the world at large.

    • Jes

      Yes, this. I know children are different than adults, but it wouldn’t be acceptable (or christian) to beat someone for something they did wrong, much less a child. If you truly doing it not in anger, there is surely a consequence you can find that is fitting.

      The thing that bugs me most is how christians tend to be so just – “I was spanked, and I spank my kids.” It seems so superior.

      I was spanked as a child. And yes, I did do something wrong when it happened. Was it anger free? No, probably not. Am I damaged for it? No. But I don’t think its the best way to do it. I also don’t think it really changed my behavior. It made me fear my parents for a time, but like someone else mentioned, I made stupid choices on purpose at times because I knew I could just to spite them. It didn’t change the motivation for my actions in the slightest. In the long run, it only made me behave when I knew they would find out about it. Not at all my goal as a parent.

      We don’t spank our kids. And honestly, the only time I’ve ever wanted to, I was very angry. And am very thankful I didn’t follow through. I just hate that christians tend to equate discipline with spanking. And therefore love. They’re not all one and the same.

    • Jon

      I think there is a difference between a pop on the rear and outright abuse. Children should always be clearly warned and understand why they are being disciplined. Discipline should be done in private, and never in anger.

      Some parents say they spank, but actually abuse their children, often leaving bruises or other marks. This violence IS wrong.

      Using Jesus’ teaching of his disciples as an example is way out of left field! Raising your own children and leading adults are very different things, especially when it comes to correction.

      Discipline is each family’s choice. There are definitely other options out there, but proper spanking should not be tossed out because some parents turn it into abuse.

      • Mountainash

        The definition of Violence:

        “the expression of physical force against one or more people, compelling action against one’s will on pain of being hurt.”

        The definition of Discipline:

        “training that corrects, molds, or perfects the mental faculties or moral character.”

        • Jon

          My point exactly.

  • JB

    I was spanked fairly infrequently by well-meaning parents who were doing what they thought was best, and they certainly meant no harm.

    Yet harm was done anyway. Spankings had a (completely UNintended) sexual effect on me. As an adult, I have learned that SO many people have had the same experience, but it isn’t talked about much because people are ashamed or embarrassed. The bottom, even on a child, is an erogenous zone, and striking it (as parents do during a spanking) can absolutely create connections in a child’s mind that the parents would never, ever intend. Sexual arousal at the thought of spanking… pretty common. I can clearly remember that the connection had been made for me by the age of 10 or so. It was still quite some time before I actually understand what sexual arousal was, though, and when I did, I was very disturbed by the fact that those feelings had been connected to the thought of spanking in my mind.

    This may not have been the case for you. I’m glad. For me, and many others, it has been the case. Please consider the possible consequences before deciding to spank your children. I wish more people would talk about this very real issue, but it is hard to do.

    • Kara

      Wow! I thought I was the only one. Thanks for your honesty and vulnerability and for letting me (and who knows how many others) know I’m not completely crazy! I struggled with “spanking” porn for years and always knew it was tied to my experiences growing up. But like so many issues, I felt alone, imagining no one else could possibly be dealing with the same thing. And since girls supposedly don’t struggle with porn (and this particular type feels extra bad and embarassing), I had to learn to deal with it on my own because there wasn’t a soul on earth I would ever tell. Now I can pray for others!

      • JB

        It’s a very difficult thing to talk about. I wonder how many people have had a similar experience and have never said anything about it.

      • Anonymous

        I still struggle with spanking porn, although I’m happily married. It’s become entwined with my sex life.

    • Anonymous

      I agree with you. I discovered sexual arousal at a very young age, even though I didn’t know that’s what it was. I was, in effect, masturbating, without any idea of sex or anything like that, it just felt good. But I do remember making a connection between spanking and masturbating very young. Around 6 or so. I remember pretending I was being spanked. Its actually making my stomach hurt to type these words out, I’m so embarrassed. I thought something was ‘wrong’ with me. But I am glad it was brought up. I had no idea there were others like me. I would hate to think of my girls growing up with those same connotations. It made for a very confusing youth. Especially once I understood what was going on (understanding sex, and masturbation).

      • JB

        Yes, this is very similar to my experience. You are definitely not the only one.

      • Kara

        Exactly!

        JB, for as little as the church is willing to even address the concept of porn other than to say, “it’s bad, don’t do it”, I’m sure there are quite a few people in our situation.

        I’m praying for healing and freedom for both of you. Our God is greater. Our God is stronger.

  • Jan

    We didn’t get spanked. We got whippings. Mom did go too far .. She’d use a thin belt because she knew it hurt more, and she’d use it til she got tired, I think. Dad let us pick the belt (we chose wide, we knew it didn’t hurt as bad) and would say “that’s 5 licks” and that’s what we got. We respected and feared Dad’s much more. I believe that all three of us liked Dad more because he didn’t punish in anger.

    When my kids were young, I spanked very rarely, and only for willful disobedience: never for mistakes or carelessness– the cause of most of my childhood whippings. I once popped my son on the butt with a large spoon because he was disrespectful. It was shortly before Christmas: amazingly, he picked out another identical spoon for my gift that year!

  • http://therealrebeccadiamond.com Rebecca

    For those of you who say “I deserved it, I was spanked because my parents loved me and they did it for my own good”….and for those of you who tell your children that you love them and are spanking them out of that love – I have a question.

    What will you do when your daughter looks at you and says “but I can’t leave my husband, he hit me because I deserved it!”?
    What will you do when your son says “Back off, I hit that woman because someone needs to keep her in place and I love her enough to do it!”?

    Because I’ve seen both – not, thankfully, in my home or in my marriage, but it those people that I know. They were trained to accept pain or to inflict pain by parents who thought that hitting their children was an acceptable way to say “I love you”.

    You don’t hit someone out of love…not even if you tell yourself it’s “discipline”.

    As to the original post…3 is a tough, tough age. There are lots of resources available for getting through that stage without actually hitting your child. I recommend Ames and Ilg’s book Your Three Year Old – Friend or Enemy: http://www.amazon.com/Your-Three-Year-Old-Louise-Bates-Ames/dp/0440506492

    And yes, my parents hit me ‘for my own good’ and ‘because they loved me’. Not only did it not effect the change they were hoping for, it made me determined to parent my own child with respect for his personhood, with dignity, and with not ever using ‘love’ as an excuse to hit him.

    • Jon

      I think there is a difference between spanking and outright abuse. No matter how they are punished, children should be clearly warned and understand why they are being disciplined.

      Some parents say they spank, but actually abuse their children. I heard a man in a parking lot tell his small child to shut the f up because he was asking too many questions about cars. This man was not correcting his child, he was abusing him (obviously the abuse was not physical, but I think the example still works).

      Children that grow up in abusive homes usually do exactly what you describe: gravitate toward familiar, abusive relationships. I do not doubt the examples you gave, but I don’t think proper spanking makes hardly anyone a ‘justified abuser’. I was spanked as a child and can’t even imagine striking my wife, much less justify it.

      Discipline is each family’s choice. If you choose not to spank your child, I think that’s great. There are definitely other options out there, but proper spanking should not be tossed out because some parents turn it into abuse.

  • http://megandillon.blogspot.com Megan

    Lots and lots and lots. Most of it I deserved!

  • http://sandysandmeyer.wordpress.com/ Sandy Sandmeyer

    Yeah, I’ll admit I had my share of spankings when I was a kid. Our son, now almost 17, had his butt popped a few times when he was being willfully disobedient. No wooden spoon spankings or belts to the butt, but a good swat with our hand. Sometimes you just have to get their attention.

  • Iler

    TWo paint sticks duck taped together… hidden in dad’s dresser drawyer… when i’m in trouble and I hear the drawer open… its time.

  • http://gbrenna.com Graham

    I got sent to my room to ‘think about it’ a lot. Never got spanked. I don’t have kids of my own but I do have a little dog that likes to randomly bark at things. I can totally see why people spank their kids. No judgement.

  • mj

    I got spanked until I got old enough that it made me laugh. Didn’t happen very often. After that it was taking away privileges or going to my room, groundings, etc. I was probably pretty rotten at times when I was little.

  • Sarah Paskie

    I was only spanked a few times, because I was a very good kid. I have two older brothers who were always getting hit with the paddle because they were too adventurous. I was smart enough to see what they were doing and notice the consequence.

  • http://www.google.com/ Nonie

    Yup, that’ll do it. You have my apcpreaition.

  • http://tbakkbwfzwdr.com/ mcbmpp

    da8P0h zepkbqyodepm

  • Phronsie

    Yup, and I’m none the worse for wear. We spank our kids too, if needed. For some kids that’s how they learn. Time out did nothing for our son, a spank on the behind did. Our oldest daughter learns from time out. Oh the joys of disciplining children.

  • Daniel Liebman

    Got spanked all the time…all the time…looking back…I always deserved it.

    I got the belt, wooden spoon, switch (a small branch off a tree), the hand, etc…you name it, it whooped my rear.

    I don’t believe there is anything wrong with it…but it can turn abusive in some cases.

    My Mom was always very angry in the moment, but would later calm down and reassure me that she did it out of discipline and that she loved me.

    I don’t remember ever thinking she was doing anything wrong.

  • Missy

    I was spanked as a child. Not frequently because I was darn near perfect. ;)

    The paddle (handcrafted by my woodworking father complete with holes for less wind resistance) was called ‘Ol Smokey because it was smokin’ fast. I only got that one once.

    I am not a serial killer nor do I beat my child.

    But of course different punishments work for different kids. Still trying to figure out what works for my kid. lol.

  • Shirley

    Do what you gotta do for your kids to become functional members of society. And we’ll thank you for it later.

  • staxia

    Yep, totally. I had a variety of things used.. In my parent’s house there was dad’s belt, mom’s wooden spoon (which, one of, got broken on my butt) and the worst of them all, a green switch from the orange tree in the backyard. At Gram’s house, there was one of those paddles with the ball attached, ball removed.

    I got spanked, and I probably deserved it. No time can I remember my parents being in a rage when they did it either. But, it wasn’t the only form of punishment, either. I got my mouth washed out with soap (and no, Ralphie, I didn’t go blind because of it) I also got some timeouts, but those didn’t work so well (Though, one time, the sent me to their room when MY friends were over, and I stayed there until they went home).. and the one I vividly remember.. When I didn’t want to talk to my grandmother on the phone, my parents wouldn’t let me watch TV until I talked to her. And I was stubborn enough to not talk to her for 6 months. And fortunately, my parents were stubborn, too.

    My parents gave me ample opportunity to shape up.. They’d tell me one time, if I didn’t straighten up, they’d say simply, “TWO” That meant they were giving me one more chance to fix the issue at hand.. if they had to speak again, action would be taken. I think it worked. I don’t have kids yet, so I can’t say with certainty what my parenting style is, but I know the option of spanking, for me at least, is still on the table. My husband of the future, only God knows the answer there. :-)

  • http://www.jeffbaj.com Jeff

    Got spanked a few times and my folks did it the right way. They both spanked me on different occasions. They both ended up crying (probably b/c my butt was so firm). It did NOT happen all that often but when it did I knew it was serious and I knew I messed up. I never had the thought that my parents would just HIT me every time I screwed up. I knew it was out of love….even at age 5 or 6 or 7 or 9 or 11….

  • CiCi

    Yeah, my brothers and I got spanked when we deserved it. Well, it was either we would get spanked, grounded, or have our mouths washed out with a bar of soap (we would be eating soap for hours afterwards). It worked.

  • Kim

    I got spanked once as a three year old child that crossed a country road without my mother to go to the barn to see my dad. Got my butt beat all the way back to the house, said he was teaching me a lesson. It was the dead of winter anything could have happened. Never got spanked again!! I larned that it pisses off my dad to do something like that by myself.

  • http://www.parenthoodexperiment.blogspot.com Auntie J

    Every time I think about spanking, this comes to mind:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=83TaYIQHVvU

  • Olivia

    I am 12 years old and I never got spanked. My daddy calls it an insult to children and no sweet child should ever be punished as it makes the household bad and kids shouldn’t be punished. I am allowed to do what I want when I want and get what I want when I want. If you ask me, life works out much better like that, especially when you have rich parents like me! (: Don’t hurt your child!
    xox,
    Livi

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